Laissez les WTF Rouler

The Big Easy has been getting plenty of attention as of late: we hosted SuperBowl XLVII and the Discovery Channel keeps putting on shows detailing how south Louisiana folks shoot things (plus whatever is going on in TrueBlood these days. Seriously, that shiz cray). Despite the colorful picture these shows paint, we don't ride to work in pirogues or throw beads off of balconies every weekend, but we're still a pretty unique city.  Louisiana doesn't have counties, we have parishes. And we don't bury people underground. And let's not get started on our eclectic vocabulary. We sure do love to party for any reason at all, complete with good food and drink.  Suffice to say, that New Orleans is a special, diverse place, and it is near and dear to my heart.

With that said, I have a big problem with the way New Orleans does weddings. And you're saying, "But didn't you just say that New Orleans loves to party and eat and drink? Doesn't that add up to a spectacular wedding?" Yep, I know. Some of this isn't going to make sense, so just try to follow me here.

First off, I am not a wedding veteran. I've only been to a handful of weddings, so my experience is pretty limited.  However, I did contact plenty of venues for pricing and packages and spoke with them too.  Until I started reading wedding websites - and watching Four Weddings - I had no concept of sit down dinners at weddings. Well, I knew, but I thought it was only for movies and super fancy, $100K+ affairs. Imagine my surprise that everywhere else in the country and beyond, these are the standard.  And to be honest, I felt cheated and I got a little pissed off.


For the typical New Orleans cocktail style reception, here's what you've got:

• Three hour reception. Venues will offer an additional hour for an additional $$, but most recommend not to. Apparently people get bored and no one hangs around for the extra hour, so you have a very sad end to the reception with just a few lonely drunks left to cheer you at your exit. 
• Stations/buffet/passed apps. Sometimes the food is left out for the entire reception, sometimes it's cut shorter. It's all ready to eat right when guests get to the reception. 
• No cocktail hour. I had no idea cocktail hours were a thing. The entire wedding is a cocktail hour, essentially, so no point for that designated time. This also makes post-ceremony pictures harder.  Guests will go straight to the reception, so bride and groom are missing out on the actual reception, not a cocktail hour. 
• No speeches. It's usually music from start to finish - starting with the special dances - with some breaks for cake cutting and tosses. 
• Open bar. Based on the packages I saw, the standard was to have a completely hosted bar, and I've never been to a wedding with a cash bar. 
• No assigned seating and not enough seating for everyone. Most venues only put out chairs for about half of the guests. A very popular venue (and the most expensive that I looked at) would only do chairs for one third. Along with that, there are no escort cards, table numbers, and seating assignments.  There are usually a few large tables reserved for family.  This is the one that really gets me so I'm going to need to step out of the bullet point and step up onto my...

This was so cute I had to use it - found at My Special Ks

Here's my back story: I attended weddings in my childhood and through college years.  I just accepted them for what they were. I started researching weddings in college and learning about all of these magical places where food is brought to you at a table and calligraphy cards tell you where to sit.  I liked the idea, I thought it made for a fancier event. I tucked the idea away that one day I would do a normal wedding reception, not the weird cocktail style.
And then I'm engaged and blaze ahead getting quotes from reception venues. Some have an option for a sit down dinner, but it drastically increased the price and severely limited the amount of people a venue could hold.
That's ok, I wasn't sold on the sit down dinner idea actually. I just liked to idea of having enough tables for everyone and having table assignments. So I brought this up to the venues we visited - how many seats could we put out? And what was the response from the person who wants me to fork over the equivalent of several mortgage payments on their deposit? They scoffed! "That's not how you want to do it, it's not the New Orleans way."  (I paraphrase because this happened with several vendors, not just one, but the intention is there).
When I expressed my confusion with this, the argument of the Nola wedding industry and my older family members was that you want a fun reception right? You don't want your guests sitting down! This setup keeps people moving around, mingling, and not being anti-social losers on the most super special day of your life. Obviously not everyone wants to eat at the exact same time, so everyone will always be able to find a seat for the 2.5 seconds they will be eating and then get on up and contribute to this party atmosphere that I must want because I'm having a rave wedding.

A shot of a part of a Nola wedding reception: small, casual tables and mingling./Photo via: Eau Claire Photographics

So who gets the short end of this deal? That would be the young and sprightly guests who must not need to sit down during a three hour time period, even those young ladies who are rocking some great stilettos. And if you aren't sitting, then you don't really get a chance to eat, until later on when you can grab a seat - but oops, all the food is gone!  No wonder people want to leave early..
No one seemed to understand that it might be nice to have a table to go back to if you want to sit down while you don't like the song that's playing. Or when you want to actually eat a bit of cake or just talk to someone you haven't seen in awhile. Now, I am no expert in party-layout psychology, but I don't think that giving someone a seat means that they will be glued to it all night. But what do I know?
Now I'm not saying that cocktail style weddings suck - that detailed list above has lots of pro's as well as con's.  I'm sure that tons of weddings are great just like this.  And I'm not complaining that I had a terrible time at any of the ones I attended. If I were more of a vet, I would have known to go grab food early and figure out a way to eat while standing up to improve my experience.
But is it right for us and our wedding?
I discussed this a lot with FI and my friends, particularly BM TPerk. She was baffled by this too, not realizing that it was a given to have this kind of wedding in New Orleans.  We're thinking this is an "older" mentality that doesn't translate as well to younger generations, which is more informed of how things are outside of our Crescent City bubble.  Wedding knowledge and practices aside  - I had a guy friend mention how he was annoyed about the lack of seating at a wedding he attended earlier this year.  Think about it, he's at the wedding dancing and having a good time, drinking, probably snacking on some foods, but the reception is three hours long and he couldn't find a seat.  And I'm assuming he had comfortable shoes on!  If it's enough to stand out for him to mention it, then I think I'd like to be able to set up my reception differently.  Or I at least wanted to have the option to make things how I wanted for my wedding, whether that is Southern, "Yankee," or some combination of those.
Fortunately, I did find a venue that seemed more flexible with allowing different styles of seating and serving, instead of being locked down. So the decision is still up in the air. I'd like to be able to serve food at stations, but have enough seating for everyone.  This is what they did at BM J's wedding in the fall, and I think it worked out very well.  I'd also like to use table assignments, but I'm not sure if that's pushing it too far (or should I just be happy that I don't have to do a seating chart?).
In the next few months, we'll be firming up the guest list numbers, and then I plan to talk to my venue coordinator to see what we can do for table spacing, and how much it will cost to bring in extra chairs and tables for this.  Then it will be decision time and I'll have to decide if this is that important to me or if I should just let it go because it's what everyone is used to.
Did you buck any cultural norms in your wedding? Any advice for me on what to do?  At least we have open bars, right?