An Unexpected Something Blue

Starting this off a little differently than planned: I've been piecing this post together for a while now, trying to sum up my feelings and experiences, and finally felt like I was in a place to wrap it up.  With last week's tragic news about Robin Williams, I want to emphasize that the term "post wedding depression" is just that - a term.  I am not not making light of a severe, psychological illness by comparing it to a phase of my life.  But depression is a widespread condition, and PWD is something that seems to be widespread among newlyweds.  I found some comfort in reading posts by past bees (specifically Mrs. Bunting, Mrs. Fox, and Mrs. Camel), because it made me feel less alone.  No matter if you are just feeling a little blue, or dealing with something that is impacting your life much more seriously, please reach out to a friend, a counselor, support group, or mental health professional.  You deserve to be happy and there are people who want to help.

Well, if this was middle school, Pyramidxoxo2014 might have this posted up as an away message.

Wise words from Glinda in Wicked.

A little bit emo, a little bit melodramatic, but what else were 8th grade and AIM for?

I have post-wedding blues, hive.  I can't say that this wasn't expected.  I've heard about post-wedding depression and knew that I was probably a textbook candidate for it, but what could I do to prevent it?  I'm often nostalgic about even the smallest things and I'd been wrapped up in planning and writing about this wedding for a year and a half.  And before that, "The Big Day" was always on the horizon.  I know it sounds superficial, but I've reached the end of "The Checklist."

Graduate, get a job, buy a house, get married.
Check, check, check, check.

Of course, there's travel, new jobs, and a family in the future (the wedding was in no way the end-all, be-all of my life), but right now I just don't have a clear picture of the next step.

It sounds sad, and I guess it is.  I didn't think that I was so wrapped up in the wedding planning that it would be a shock to return to everyday life, but I suppose the idea of the wedding was enough to keep me in a suspended state of distraction and busyness.  Like how my current job position might not be a good fit for me.  And so many of my best friends don't live around me anymore.  Wedding planning meant that I was constantly in touch with my friends and we were going to see each other so soon! And I don't know about you, but when I'm feeling down, one million problems covering everything from my personal life to the global troubles are filling my mind and causing me stress.  Because why not, right?

I will say that I'm so glad that none of these feelings remotely crept up on me during our honeymoon.  For eleven days, I was perfectly and blissfully happy.  And then as soon as we got back home, something funny happened.  I saw my beautiful bouquet hung up in the shower drying out.  My gorgeous Jimmy Choos were sitting in my closet just like any others.  A box of leftover programs was sitting in my living room.  And the realization that our wedding was over hit me hard.  It also didn't help that we had a fabulous and amazing time in Hawaii and all I wanted to do was go back to the islands.

I had quite the obsession with our bouquets./Personal Photo

A common misconception is that PWD happens because you're sad about never having a pretty princess day again.  Or because you're bored with no wedding tasks to work on. From my personal experience, I can say that's not the case.  If I was just lacking projects, I'm sure I could reorganize my closet or work in the garden.  It's the feeling of nostalgia for the day and all the people involved, the planning, and the loss of excitement that surrounded everything.  And to clarify, it most certainly has nothing to do with feeling like I made a mistake marrying Sphinx.  He's been incredible with dealing with my mood swings, and being husband and wife brings me nothing but joy.  When it comes to other aspects of life, though, it's just like Glinda says, "It is, I admit, the tiniest bit unlike I anticipated..."

I wish I could offer some advice, but I think everyone gets through it differently.  I have started feeling better recently, and I think it started when I vented to a few friends to sort out my feelings - thank you for lending your ears!  So I've been focusing my energy on some upcoming vacations, volunteer projects, and performing the best I can at my current job (and I should be moving to something that's a better fit in the spring!).  It did make it easier when I avoided anything wedding related (which explains why I haven't been as active here), but I think I'm ready to take it on.  We've seen the pictures on the proof site, but I haven't gotten the CD of picture files yet so that's why the recaps are still on hold.

Did you go through some level of PWD?  How did you get through it?  If you're up to it, I'd love to hear comments about your experiences - or if you expect to get the blues after the wedding.  If you're feeling confused and emotional, please do yourself a favor and reach out for help.  PWD sounds trivial and silly, but it can be the cause for a lot of pain.  If you don't have anyone to talk to, feel free to drop me a PM.  I am not a mental health professional, but I give really good internet *hugs*.